five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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