All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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