with your own penis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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