Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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