Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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