You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
