Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nutella sex= disaster
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
