Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
