if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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