I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can't special order awesome
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
