woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
