This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
