tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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