My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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