I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't deserve a penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
