I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
