i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
