evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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