we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
