So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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