U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
