My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
