Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
