I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
