Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
