why didn't you poke me back
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
