Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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