idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
