Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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