Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
