Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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