So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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