If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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