Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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