Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
