I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
