I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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