The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
