Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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