first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
