I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
