We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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