Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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