girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
