Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just pee around me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
