yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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