I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
