I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
