They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
