i don't like sucking hair
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
