I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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