My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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