I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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