We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
