your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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