Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
