whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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