I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think people are normalizing furries
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
