I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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