Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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