Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
