At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
