sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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