Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
