A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
