ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
